Laughter Is The Best Medicine

 Subscribe in a reader
Subscribe to Laughter Is The Best Medicine by Email
Bookmark

Laughter is the best medicine. We've heard the expression time and again. For decades, researchers have explored how humor helps patients relieve stress and heal.Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to a recent study by cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore.Laughter reduces pain, increases job performance, connects people emotionally, and improves the flow of oxygen to the heart and brain.So if (Laughter) does so much lets (Laugh) together.Below are articles, sayings and emails sent to us to make you laugh.

So take time out to laugh!

How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"

Leah?

No Lee-A?

Nope Lay-a?

No Lei?

Guess Again.

This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha." When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

So, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

Plug In Your Brain

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

Knuckle-Head

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

I was Buzzing Along

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

Say What?

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Give Me the Lettuce

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

Deer Smarts

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

McDonald's Take-Out

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

They Walk Among Us!

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

Power Me Up

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made atthat time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'

Four Cats...

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.' Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal pile of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was pretty good!

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'coffee Break, do your stuff.' Coffee Break jumped to his feet....... ate the cookies..... drank the milk....... sh-t on the paper....... screwed the other three cats....... claimed he injured his back while doing so........ filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....... put in for Workers' Compensation.....and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,’ Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?' She replied, 'What happened to my booger?'

Smart Little Cookie

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.

The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? Tommy: Yes.

Teacher: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky..

Tommy: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

Teacher: Did you see God up there? Tommy: No.

Teacher: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy:

Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Tommy: Yes.

Little Girl: Tommy do you see the grass outside? Tommy: Yessssss!

Little Girl: Did you see the sky? Tommy: Yessssss!

Little Girl: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
Tommy: Yes.

Little Girl: Do you see her brain? Tommy: No.

'For We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight'
II Corinthians 5:7

Little Girl: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!

God Is Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

The Stuff Kids Say

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

Ouch That Hurt!

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

Out of the Mouth of Babes

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

Brothers and Sisters

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

I'm Drawing God

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

You gotta love Frank

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...walked home....and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Frank!)

Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day!

In Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawer, judge banged his gavel declaring,"case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.

The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.

The judge leaned forward and calmly said, counsel and your client are woefully ignorant." The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

For atheists." The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

GOD Is Busy

If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments.

He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform.

I'll give you exactly 15 min.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed,'here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What In the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot, so He sent me.'

The class room erupted in cheers!

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toliet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duck Tape. If it dosen't move and should, use the WD-40. It shouldn't move and does, use the Duck Tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got a electrical problem.

Only Kidding but We All Have Thought About It!

Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Men be Careful What You Wish For.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so her to see what he went through so he prayed:'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and putin 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

God, in his infinite wisdom,granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman...He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, made a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh Lord, please, let us trade back... Amen! The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'

$100.00 Slow Day In Texas

It's a slow day in a little east Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.....On this particular day a rich tourist from back East is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States government is conducting business today.

Genesis 1:29 "And God said, 'Behold I have given every herb-bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth and every tree, in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed: to you it shall be for meat'."

Statements made on this website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. Products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. All research information is provided as courtesy to customers. Consequences of any product is the sole responsibility of the customer.

---

---